Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
