when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
