Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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