i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
