we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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