I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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