Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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