tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
