So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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