Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize