perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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