And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just high enough for therapy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
