Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
