He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
