just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
