Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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