Dual....:-)
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
