i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
