So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please don't give away my fajitas
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
