does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize