he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
