can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
