My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
