Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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