Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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