My room smells like vodka and shame
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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