I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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