I just made out with a guy for $7.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
organizing the empties. That sober.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
