just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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