You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
