the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
