I seem to have left my pride at pride
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
