I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
