I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
