How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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