my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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