I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
