My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
