Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
