she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
