i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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