I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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