just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
