I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
