so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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