one might say we're banned from that church
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
