...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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