i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Congratulations! We have a period
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
