He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
