god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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