I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
