after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
