Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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