dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
