Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
