Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
