just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
