This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize