sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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