Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
