Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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