New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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