Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
false alarm, still single
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
