At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
