I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
