smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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