I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
