i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize