The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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