Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you win again, gameday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
