I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
