I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
