Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
