she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
