Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
