I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize