4 words: hood of his car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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