Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
