Nicole vs. Life
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
