woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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