Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
