good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
