Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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