dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
