I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
