we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's shark week go big or go home
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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