Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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