It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
