Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
whose parrot is this?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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