Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
