i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
