when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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