How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
