I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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