forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
