I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
