if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
