i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
