You're completely useless in the revolution.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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