Got a toothbrush?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I stole a fireplace last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
as a side note pls kill me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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