when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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