i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
