I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
