dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My bed smells like the plague
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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