i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
