I'm gonna have a badass scar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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