You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i barfeds in our rink
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
