Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
