John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
