and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
