Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
