Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
