this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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