she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
