Banned from zoo.
Again?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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